BABY BLUE BLUES
+.Tranquility.+

im just a lil' grl that so happens have a very dramatizing hard & demanding life, whatever u want 2 call it.To me it`s just messed up so this "personal blog" is where i put mai own thing in. The true meanig of an online journal resides here-where I am the girl who continues to type in her daily ramblings.Its just a place 4 me.




Sunday, July 04, 2004
im gonna type all the shiet up 2mrrw.i dunt feel good.like im dead or something.
okay?
OKAY.
- elaine // e-mail // 11:52:00 PM // comments

goddamn im tired. im gunna type all this shit tomrrw when i feel better and not like im dead and floating around like a ghost.
okay?
okay.
- elaine // e-mail // 11:47:00 PM // comments

Wednesday, June 30, 2004
i hate my life--i just motherfuckin' do.whtu did i do to deserve this shit?I ono.seriously, i dunt know...i dunt know whut to do anymore. i swear robin is taking advantage of me,I FUCKING HATE HIS GUTS..i know im gonna regret saying this later but im gonna say it now.

About the todae&last few days of my life:

-bugged rosalind about "HIM"
[nah nah nah nah NAH-jk rosalind]
-wilson&irene&allen came over/hung out
[eugh...]
-watched white chicks[HELLA GOOD & FUNNY]
-helped organize the cultural day #1
[I think we're done now..]
-found out about the lily-melissa prob and now its fixed
[heh.i hope melissa is happier.]
-I lost my socks in the soft foamy pit in the tactile dome
[cynthis found it.do jeh so fucking much.]
-got the truth about that so-called couple-ness
[uhm..no coupledom 4 them.]
-watched part of TUPAC'S RESSURECTION
[did hw on it too.]
-secured a new friendship with one of notorious grls of aim high
[she's actually very nice.]

so thas the basic BIG things that happened today and the last few days.whut?u didn't think mai life was THAT GREAT did you?
well ish not so dunt think it will be. right now im eating chef boyardee ravioli and it aint that good...grr
- elaine // e-mail // 4:49:00 PM // comments

Monday, June 21, 2004
i hate my life.i hate my life.i hate my life.i hate my life.i hate my life.i hate my life.i hate my life.i hate my life.i hate my life.i hate my life.i hate my life.i hate my life.i hate my life.i hate my life.

whut can i say?i hate my life even more. i hate school.i hate a lot of people at school.i wunder whut activities i got into? only two people frm last year's homeroom was in mai 8A this year. most of the day, we played the fucking name game.yeah well,boo-hoo 4 me since i fell in the gumption in front of like hella people and killed mai mutherfuckin' ankle.piece of shit.its my other ankle.its swollen like a mutated golf ball.i spent most of my afternoon hopping around and havving people point at me,talk about me in a whispered suspiscious way,and comment on my ankle.i went to the docters and the damn fucking guy pulled on my leg to straighted something or whatever.it hurt like shit.so i have these smelly herbs wrapped in my fucking cast on mai fucking foot.so whut else is fucking new?oh yeah. now i don't just "walk"... I limp around.Limping is my new way of moderate transportation now.in a way, it makes me special-er.lame but true.
- elaine // e-mail // 2:55:00 PM // comments

Thursday, June 17, 2004
ah.so i hven't updated in like a month.no biggie.todae was okay,i guess. mom woke me up at 9.i hate wakin' up early.
first thing i did today to cause a disaster: get out of bed and step on a pile of books at the foot of my bed. I slipped and fell on my ass.
my mom wanted me to go shop with her to buy mai daddie's present.me, being the oh-so lazy ass i am, didn't change or get ready to leave the house until me mom threatened me for the hundredth time.wowee. left to go to stonestown round 11.didn't go to stones but went to another shopping center.bought stuff.went to albertsons.bought stuff.went to stonestown, for real,this time. Bought clothes for me dad.got home in time to wrap box for dad.
go online.check book holds.dad come home.leanna & ada come over.me & lee stay online and watch admission videos.mom & ada leave to go grocery shopping.psshhh.ada and mom come home.sit at table talking.me and lee realize we're supposed to go to aim high today.frm 6-8.we're late by 30 mins tho.lee whines like shit.we whine like shit.ada yells at lee.lee yells at ada.lee gets me to look up directions so she n me can walk.i give her directions.when she puts on her sneakers,ada yells.i back out at last minute.lee gets pissed at ada. all adults get pissed at us.we lay off.lee whines so more.the discussion is closed.me get bored.lee stays on comp.me play playstation so damn horribly.me lose 6 fucking lives on the game shit.robin gets pissed and tells me i suck.i get pissed and keep playing.i get bored and get sick of losing the fucking game.i give the damn control to robin.he plays and turns off the playstation.lee still on mai comp checkin' email.me get more bored.ada says they have to leave.lee said wait.ada waits & talks a lot.ada says they have to leave.lee says later.ada stays and talks more.lee still on comp.lee gets off comp. ada and lee leaves.robin turns off tv in time for the grim adventures of billy & mandy.i get on comp.check email.and now im here typing this boring shit.its sad to say this was what have been happening all day.
- elaine // e-mail // 7:45:00 PM // comments

Sunday, May 23, 2004
i hate school.i hate the fucking traditions.i hate evry single fucking person.my life is a living hell.i can't trust anyone for shit.i hate you.i wish youd just die right now.i have no control over my life. theres always some kind of fuckiing interference.i can never do anything right. whatever.i hate you.no one knows how i feel.and no one gives a fucking damn.they say they care but they dunt give no shit for you.thats reality.and that is my reality.and i fucking hate it.i cant take it. no one understands and goddamnit i wish someone did. i hate this. they make me want to to commit suicide.maybe thats what they want.they always take it out on me and i cant fucking take it anymore.its not mai fuckin fault yu have issues and need anger management.fuck.i hate this shit.

i cant trust any fucking person.it feels like evryone is out to get me. and drive me to my death.i mean like why shood they care.itll only eat me alive and somehow kill me.its okay.i mean like im not important.so why duhs it even matter?right.it doesnt matter.im not important.i dont matter.
not really.even if i dare to kill myself,i wont matter.i mean why shood they?
all they ever wanted was for me to get out of their lives.
its their lucky day....
- elaine // e-mail // 6:26:00 PM // comments

Friday, May 21, 2004
erm...another movie trip canceled.heh.is something trying to tell mee something or what?i ono.uhm..ervything seems to bee going more smoothly. theres nothing to say xept i have a virus in mai comp. and ive been trying to fix it.im getting really really bad headaches.i hope serena is getting better,i hope the surgery helped. im hella pissed that im probably gunna get hella bad grades on mai report card.shit.fucking damn shit.i probably messed up spanish more.and science.damnit--my overall averages arent going to be enuf.whatever.school dunt have as much dramah and such.its actually so much better.haha.
- elaine // e-mail // 5:00:00 PM // comments

Tuesday, May 18, 2004
just sittin' here,apparently thinking nothing worthwhile at the moment. is it tru that yu can actually increase ur I.Q. by listening to classical music?i guess when you put it that way-it doesn't seem as boring....
nothing much is happening.just practically drowning myself reading this huge;informative book about CA's #1 public high school.Its not exactly interesting or boring.as usual,i find contentment in the most unusual things on the face of this planet.im just a bit different.this book is so...sophisticated.Of course,as usual,it has such formal reading that i can't really belive i can understand it.Some words are so hard to understand i usually take about ten minutes thinking over the possiblity of just one word's definition.literature skills being used here.they really do work.anyways,besides that nothing is really going on.had mai 1st confesssion todae.im so happy to get it out of me.i can't belive i did that...which is weird because i can belive evryone else i know doing it.my brain is gunna malfunction if i dont get evrything in order right away.I wish that I could have my independence.but not evrything you wish for comes true. Though,i really wish it did.same concept being used again.hell,havent anyone realized that evrything you do is connected to something else somehow and thats how the world wrks?i don't know.Its those kind of things that seem accurate yet you still want to prove it wrong. Like...saying:change is good.Its like saying your mom dying is good. The whole effect of the theory is like neutral.right?i dunno.i feel like im trrying to prove something to a neverending world of unused space.the internet.just the huge space..the circle of space between evryone's computer in the center of the earth.somehow,that seems like a easier way to identify with the idea of internet.whatever.who am i to explain such a weirdoe topic?summer is near and all i want to do is relax and not do much of anything except listen to music and read.i am so unlike evryone else.im strting to miss aim high.but im ging to dred gong to school again.i jsut want to sleep right now.i have a hugeass headache n its gunna completely take all the energy out of mee in doing anything.
- elaine // e-mail // 6:44:00 PM // comments

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